Page 7 - What Women Want Three Rivers May 2015

Sunday, May 3, 2015 • An Advertising Supplement to the Three Rivers Edition of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette • What Women Want • 7SS
“My main thing here is to get the girls to come in and to spread the word that there
is somebody in their community who can
help them. The biggest thing out there is getting people to know that we are here and educating them about what domestic violence is and what the circle of violence is.”
LORA UMPHRIESBUCK
OF MELBOURNE
life, but then a short while later, she was offered a professional position with Safe Passage. She said she accepted the offer because it gave her the chance to make a difference in the lives of others who had experienced similar situations.
“I say [to clients], ‘I’m normal just like you,’” she said. “That allows them to relax and open up to me. I look them dead in their eyes and tell them that I am a past client. I’ve been here. ‘I know what you’re going through, and I am not just saying that because a textbook told me to.’ It helps because they under- stand that I have been there, and they are more apt to open up to me because they can see that I have walked that walk.”
Once the conversation is started, Umphries-Buck and Safe Passage volunteers help clients embrace lifestyles free from abuse. That could involve helping them to get away from their abusers, but it could also include providing assistance to find new homes that are safe and away from their abusers.
“Each person is an individual, and they get treated individually, but determining what the circumstances are determines how I approach a conversation with that person,” she said.
Umphries-Buck, who is a licensed practical nurse, uses her education to help care for those who come into the shelter after a stay in the hospital or treat- ment facility, which is commonly associated with a domestic-abuse situation.
“Women that come in with stitches and staples, I care for them at no charge because I have the know- how,” she said. “That isn’t in my job description, but it is in my description. I am a caregiver — I care and I give.”
Even though Umphries-Buck never expected her life to take the turn it did, she said that by the grace of God, she is confident that she is able to make a positive impact and bring light to a topic that isn’t commonly discussed.
“It is sometimes funny how God makes you lose everything in order to accomplish everything,” she said. “[I tell women all the time], ‘I hope this never happens to you, but if it ever does, I’m here.’”
A way out
Tips for anyone faced with domestic abuse
Although a relationship that has turned violent might seem to be inescapable, there are some things those in such situations can do to help get away and start an abuse-free life.
“It takes women between seven and nine times to get to that point to where they think, ‘I can do this on my own,’” said Lora Umphries-Buck, executive director of Safe Passage Inc. “There are so many things you need to think about and put into play and [in a way] where they can’t realize what you are doing.”
Umphries-Buck said the majority of women who visit her shelter or outreach office are in their 20s, but that does not mean other demographics are not affected by abuse.
Umphries-Buck advises anyone faced with domestic violence to use caution and consider these tips when dealing with an abu- sive situation.
When preparing to leave:
• During an argument, avoid rooms with only one exit and rooms with things that can be used as weapons.
• Practice an escape route.
• Have a packed bag ready to go in an undisclosed location.
• Identify a trustworthy neighbor in which to confide.
• Devise a code word for family, friends and neighbors to signal the need for police.
• Decide on a place to go when leaving the home.
• Use your best instincts and judgment.
• Open a savings account in your own name to increase your independence.
• Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents and extra clothes with someone you trust.
• Determine people who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you money.
• Keep the shelter number handy.
• Review the plan often.
Safety in the home (away from the abuser):
• Change the locks as soon as possible.
• Discuss the safety plan with your children for the times you are not with them.
• Let school officials know who is allowed to pick up your children.
• Inform neighbors and your landlord that your partner is no longer living in the home, and ask to be notified if he or she is seen there.
• Never contact the abuser from your new home because of caller ID.
Protective orders:
• Keep the document with you at all times.
• Call the police if your partner breaks the order.
• Think of alternative ways to keep safe while waiting for the police to arrive.
• Inform family and friends that the order is in effect.
Safety on the job or in public:
• Inform anyone at your workplace who needs to know about your situation, such as a security guard.
• Arrange to have someone screen your calls, if at all possible.
• Devise a safety plan for leaving work.
Safe Passage is a part of the Arkansas Coalition Against Do- mestic Violence, which includes 36 shelters across the state. Umphries-Buck said it is common for the organizations to work together for continuing education and many other outreach projects.
For more information about the coalition and a list of Arkansas shelters and hotlines, visit www.domesticpeace.com.
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